How quickly our priorities change.
Yesterday afternoon the biggest worry I had was how far I wanted to run in the inch of snow that had fallen. Whether I wanted to run down back and take a chance on the snow covered ice or just stay up on top and shorten the route.
As I was changing, the phone rang and it was my sister telling me that my father had had a heart attack while at physical therapy and was being transported to EMMC in Bangor.
The details were pretty sketchy but from what she knew he was not in imminent danger of dying. So we agreed that I would wait until they called me from the hospital with an update of how he was doing. They are about 1/2 hour from the hospital and I am about 2 hours and with the road conditions the way they were (speed limit had been reduced to 45), we just thought it would be better and safer.
I am a very action oriented person and this went against what I usually do. However, at the time I needed to do something to occupy my mind. I was half-dressed to go run, so I told TheWife what was going on and decided to go for a run. It was the shorter run.
During the run, I calmed down a lot and did a lot of thinking about my father and the relationship we have gained over the past 20 or so year, especially the past 10. I can actually call him my friend. That was not always the case, we butted heads more than a few times when I was younger and his lifestyle was not one that I always agreed with. Over the years we had made our peace and now enjoy each other’s company.
That is the part that is hard about him having another heart attack, we do enjoy being around one another. After his nothing short of miraculous recovery from his heart problems in September, I knew and so did he that this day would happen again. Even so, it is still hard to deal with and going for that run helped me to process how I was feeling.
Right now I am sitting in the ICU waiting room, waiting for him to wake up, when I got here I looked in on him he was sleeping and he needs that rest right now. The toughest part is he doesn’t look the same today, as he did right before Christmas, he looks older and weaker. It is difficult to see him laying in that hospital bed, I want to see him like he was before, out in the woods, playing horseshoes or going back a bit further, shooting his bow.
He will tell you he is a tough old bastard and he has been, but when I looked at him today while he was sleeping, some of that old toughness seemed to be gone. I hope not, he still has a lot of unfinished business left and a loving family that still needs him around.
I hope when I go back in and he wakes up that some of that toughness is back.
I do know that after leaving the hospital today, that I will need to go for a run, I have too many emotions bottled up in me, to just sit and watch – that isn’t what he would want me to do either.
He would say get off your ass and get out there.