Runneritis – A Dread Disease

Looking like this while running in a nor’easter is proof of
this poor soul having the dread disease Runneritis //

I have a disease!

It is deadly, there is no known cure and it affects me more than I want to admit – daily. No it isn’t in the DSM-IV or even acknowledged by medical doctors – in fact they scoff at the idea of this affliction.

However, no matter what the medical community might say – I have it.

It is a dread disease and it is called:

RUNNERITIS

You will find several million people are afflicted with Runneritis around the world and you might even have seen more than a few cases in your town or heaven forbid – your neighborhood. They just don’t know it yet.

What to hell is Runneritis? Glad you asked.

Symptoms of Runneritis are:


If you see someone out running with an ugly grimace or a stupid grin:

  • at 6:00 A.M. or earlier
  • at lunch time and then eating while they are supposed to be working
  • after dark, when everyone else is watching TV
  • in rain and wind – up to and including hurricane force
  • in blizzards – otherwise known as Nor’easters
  • in mud up to their knees
  • while running ungodly distances like 10 miles, things called marathons or the universally dreaded Ultra

or

If you know someone who is or has:

  • Spending more money on new running shoes even though they have at least 5 pair stashed somewhere in the house, gym locker or at work under their desk. Oh yeah – the custodian was directed to throw those running shoes out, while they were on vacation, because they stunk so badly.
  • Spending money on new apps for a smart phone related to running, but none of them are quite right.
  • Getting the newest all-weather gear to run in, so they don’t sweat so bad or a least not stink quite so much
  • Needing a new watch or Garmin to time themselves and get an accurate GPS fix on how far they ran, even though the old one only needs a new battery.
  • Spending over $200 in race fees in a year and brags about the race they already signed up for in 2013.
  • Having subscriptions to more than 2 running magazines
  • Running on vacation
  • Planning a vacation around a race they want to run
  • During the holidays going for a run, instead of staying and talking with family (might be a good thing).
  • Plan to go to a race and coerce those who don’t run to stand in the cold to cheer them on
  • Have a blog that focuses on running
  • Subscribing to more than 20 running focused blogs in a Feed Reader and brag about it
  • Follow hundreds of runners on Twitter
  • Have a Facebook page devoted to running and be “friends” with hundreds of people you don’t know
  • Have a Google+ Circle named Running and a page for their running blog
  • They whine about not being able to run, when it was running while injured that got them injured worse.

If you know someone who has more than 5 of these symptoms from column A or B combined, there is a good likelihood that they will be diagnosed with the dreaded disease – Runneritis.

Do you know of anyone who exhibits these symptoms?

If you do, feel very, very sorry for their family. Runneritis is very contagious, so the rest of their family is at risk of developing this disease as well, unless there is an intervention of some sort.

Also if you have not taken the proper precautions and you have been exposed to Runneritis, you might get a bad case of Runneritis without realizing what has happened. Look at the warning signs of Runneritis that I have listed above, before it is too late or is it already too late for you too?

Do you have Runneritis?

However, thinking about it, now I have to ask, do you see any or many of these symptoms in yourself.

OMG don’t tell me that you have Runneritis too.

Nooooooo!

Once you have it, you can never be completely cured.

You might even stop running for a while, but in the back of your mind, you will always be looking at a reason to buy the newest running shoes, slipping up and attempting to run 10 yards to just see if you can yet, then the next time it becomes 20 yards and before you know it (and before the Doctors or other family members can stop you), you have a full-fledged outbreak of the dreaded Runneritis again.

I have had Runneritis for many years and I just have never found a cure.

Is there a cure?

Even in my worst periods of slothdom, I still would receive those running magazines with all those skinny people and sometimes not so skinny people running around trying to get someplace faster than they did before.  I would go into the local sporting goods store (sometimes even JC Penney) and look at running shoes or running clothes.

Then it would begin again, I would try a simple little run here, then try to go a little farther and before I knew what had happened I was back with a full-blow case of that dread disease commonly called “running”, but its official name is “runneritis”.

No Cure

No – I don’t think there is a cure, once you have the dreaded disease called Runneritis and it just keeps coming back more virulent each time you get it. Age only makes you pine for the early days of the disease, you may not go as far or as fast, but you still have to run.

I am sure that others have written about Runneritis, but these are my thoughts about this dread disease.

Hi my name is Harold and I have a bad case of Runneritis and no I really am not looking to be cured ;-p.

I had a Twitter conversation with @sheswrite and I used the term Runneritis in my response today and then I started thinking about it and came up with this post. I heard the term used back in my Glory Days and thought it would be fun to spoof running a bit and chuckle about what we see as normal everyday activities, others might see as proof of our derangement.

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